I have a query on what grounds are needed to stop a father seeing his 3 sons or letting them visit?? As my partner of

Expert's Assistant chat
Customer: Hello, I have a query on what grounds are needed to stop a father seeing his 3 sons or letting them visit?? As my partner of 6years is going through this with his ex wife at the moment and I am the one at fault, so she says, but the boys don't seem to share her concerns but she is standing her ground. It actually started 3years ago and the only way she would let the boys visit our home was if I was not there..... So I made the difficult decision to move out so my partner wouldn't miss out on fatherhood, I did request to have a sit down talk with her but she declined. So after 3yrs of living apart, he changed jobs, further away from me so we decided myself and my two children would move back in, now his ex wife is dredging up old issues from 3years ago.
JA: What steps have you taken? Have you filed any papers in family court?
Customer: My partner does not like conflict and likes to keep everyone happy so no, though I did organise a meeting with a family lawyer and took time off work which he said he would attend, but he changed his mind minutes before the appointment.
JA: Family law varies by state. What state are you in?
Customer: New Zealand
JA: Is there anything else the Lawyer should know before I connect you? Rest assured that they'll be able to help you.
Customer: The accusations she is basing her decisions on are quite bad and I have been wanting to see if I could possibly toy with the idea of a defamation of character charge but in New Zealand it's very hard to get.
Answered by Chris The Lawyer in 1 hour 7 months ago
imglogo
Chris The Lawyer
10+ years of experience
logo

41314 Satisfied customers

Expert in: Family Law, Legal, Estate Law, Real Estate Law, Criminal Law, Employment Law, Business Law, Consumer Protection Law, Bankruptcy Law, Traffic Law, Personal Injury Law.

logoBack
logologo
Chris The Lawyer
logo
logo
41314 Satisfied customers
logo
10+ years of experience
imglogo
Chris The Lawyer
10+ years of experience
logo

41314 Satisfied customers

Jessica

Jessica

Consultant

31,131 Satisfied customers

Pearl avatar
Lawyer's, Assistant
116 Lawyers are online right now.
Customer
Hello, could I please be connected to an experienced family lawyer
Customer
I have to leave for work at 12:45 and won't be back till 5:30pm
img

Chris The Lawyer, Expert

Hi My name is ***** ***** I am a New Zealand lawyer based in Wellington with more than 42 years of experience. I am here to help with your questions.
img

Chris The Lawyer, Expert

Your best plan is to sort this out using a family mediation

img

Chris The Lawyer, Expert

I will post information about this

Customer
I can see now the ex wife will not go for that option
img

Chris The Lawyer, Expert

You can arrange an agreement for your children by using family mediation and appointing an experienced family mediator who will help sort this out. You do not need a lawyer and there are subsidies if you cannot afford this. The mediator contacts the parties and sets up a meeting where they help sort out the parenting agreement. This is the contact for a family mediator

https://www.fairwayresolution.com/got-a-dispute/family-disputes

https://www.fdrc.co.nz/

img

Chris The Lawyer, Expert

The mediators will often be able to persuade parties to use this, as the alternative is a court case in the Family Court

Customer
She is the epitome of a narcissist and I can't see any resolve to this. She said she wants an apology but it's for something major that I most certainly did not do.
Customer
She is saying I abused her children which I did not at all. I enforced rules on them that she did not like.
img

Chris The Lawyer, Expert

In my mediations, I often discuss issues like this, and in the safe space of a mediation, the apology can be effective (if actually needed). You can also discuss why she wants one and why you think you do not need to

Customer
The reason I have held my ground on not apologising is to me, that would be admitting that I abused the children. My partner backed me up but after weeks of not being able to see his kids he relented and said what she wanted to hear.
img

Chris The Lawyer, Expert

A mediation is a confidential discussion where you can talk frankly, with the protection that any admissions and denials cannot be referred to outside of the mediation

Customer
Is there any way to enforce a mediation?
img

Chris The Lawyer, Expert

If you reach an agreement at a mediation, that can be registered in the Family Court and becomes a court order, which can be enforced

Customer
Sorry, I was working. So if the ex wife does not agree to mediation, can she forbid my partner from seeing his boys even though she has no grounds (to fill you in, the 'child abuse' she is claiming to have happened is a smack on the thigh of his 11year old for throwing a gaming controller at his little brothers head and it connected with his face, and the smack was not much more that what you would do if you were to swat a sandfly on your leg, and the 2nd incident was my partner and I had talked to the boys about peeing on the toilet floor (more accurately a half meter radius around the toilet, up walls and over side of sink) we told them that they had to clean it up also, and they had a habit of wiping faeces on the wall next to the toilet. So I sat down with my partner and asked him if I could buy pull ups and we both warn them all if they keep making messes and wiping faeces on the wall they will have to wear them.... He agreed, sat with me when I explained to the boys, they understood and agreed, didn't happen again for 2 weeks, and when it did I gave each of them a pull up to put on as they were 11, 8 and 7 so not toddlers, they put them on with no fuss, 20minutes later they got to take them off. Fast forward 18mths later and suddenly the boys are terrified of me (it never showed as they always hugged and kissed me and told me I was a great stepmum, but as I have not been allowed to see them for 3years I can't find out if that's what they said or what she's planting in their heads) and I'm a child abuser, which I was so broken over as I'm an ex nanny and kindergarten teacher, and I raised those boys as my own for 2years,so to be labled that hurt alot)
img

Chris The Lawyer, Expert

Those issues would not stop contact if you applied on the Family Court. But you should try mediation first of course
Customer
Thankyou so much for your time and advice.
Customer
Sorry, one more thing, we live on a farm in Pareora in South Canterbury, just outside of Timaru, would you possibly know where I may be able to get a good mediator before mid January, as when she found out I was living here again she has decided to move back over to Australia with the boys in January before school starts. My partner just messaged and said she wants to meet to talk things out but I've had phone and txt conversations with her in the past and she does alot of gaslight ING and interrupting and won't try and see anyone else's point of view but her own and her mother is highly involved in this situation so I don't want to travel to where she wants to have this chat, which is 3hrs away, just to be forced to take alot of yelling and accusations as I'm a person that likes calm and civil communication.
img

Chris The Lawyer, Expert

She cannot take the children to Australia without his consent so he may need to take steps to challenge this
Customer
He won't challenge her as he didn't last Xmas when they moved over for 2mths, but she wants him to have full parental care again of the youngest, 10years old now, that's the main issue as she doesn't want him around me. She uses the kids as playing cards as she knows he will cater to her if she holds them back from him.
img

Chris The Lawyer, Expert

All these issues need to be properly discussed, preferably at a mediation

Ask a lawyer and get your legal questions answered.
See all Legal Questions
img
How it works
logoAsk for help, 24/7
Ask for help, 24/7
Members enjoy round-the-clock access to 12,000+ verified Experts, including doctors, lawyers, tech support, mechanics, vets, home repair pros, more.
logoExpert will respond in minutes
Expert will respond in minutes
After you reach out, we match you with an Expert who specializes in your situation. Talk, text, chat, whichever you prefer.
logoSave time & money
Save time & money
No scheduling hassles, missing time from work, or expensive consults.
A JustAnswer membership can save you significant time and money each month.
img
logo 593 Verified lawyers, 10+ years of experience
DISCLAIMER: Answers from Experts on Askalawyeroncall.com are not substitutes for the advice of an attorney. Askalawyeroncall.com is a public forum and questions and responses are not private or confidential or protected by the attorney-client privilege. The Expert above is not your attorney, and the response above is not legal advice. You should not read this response as proposing specific action or addressing your specific circumstances, but only to give you a sense of general principles of law that might affect the situation you describe. Application of these general principles to particular circumstances should be done by a lawyer who has spoken with you in confidence, learned all relevant information, and explored various options. Before acting on any information received from an Expert, you should hire a lawyer licensed to practice law in the jurisdiction to which your question pertains. The responses above are from independent, freelance Experts, who are not employed by Askalawyeroncall.com . The site and services are provided “as is”. To view the verified credentials of an Expert, click on the “Verified” symbol in the Expert’s profile. This site is not for emergency questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals. Please carefully read the Terms of Service.
Explore law categories
Powered by JustAnswer