I have another question. I'm still paying bills on the matrimonial home where my ex and my son live and that's fine by

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Customer: Dear Ulysses,I have another question. I'm still paying bills on the matrimonial home where my ex and my son live and that's fine by me. The thing that bothers me is that the drag queen is moved in there. Can I insist that he/she moves out? What are my rights with this other person living under my roof with my son? From what I can tell, she seems to spend all her time with the drag queen and doesn't take spend much time with my son outside of his basic care. It's like she's devoted her free time to the drag queen almost exclusively. That isn't health for my son and so if I can get more access as you said, I can have an impact on that but she should be spending more spare time with him also.
Answered by Ulysses101 in 2 hours 2 years ago
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Ulysses101
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Ulysses101, Expert

Thanks for requesting me again.

Those are separate issues, although I appreciate that both are related to the drag queen.

Shall we talk about the matrimonial home issue first? After that I'll ask you to rate and start another thread on the time sharing /access issue.

Customer
Sure. Please answer the matrimonial home question first.
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Ulysses101, Expert

I assume that your name is ***** ***** to that home, and probably still on the mortgage if there is one and bills too, and that your ex is covering all these payments herself because you're paying guideline child support.

You are still as much owner of that home as she is, and you still have as much right to say who lives there and who doesn't as she does. You can insist that she move out, but the optics of such a move aren't good. We live in a socially progressive environment, so if you make a move to evict this person you risk looking very intolerant.

As well, there's an issue of whether your ex is in a relationship with this person. If so, it may be hard to define. And trying to get him out of the home will appear to be controlling and abusive on your part.

So while you do have ample rights here, it's not in your strategic interests to act unless you have reason to believe that your child is at risk of harm from this person. You may not like that your ex has moved another man into "your" house, but that's a separate issue. And before you blow that whistle and call the child welfare authorities, you need to consider the backlash if it's made to look like you involved them only because this fellow is a drag queen.

I don't know how old your son is. What your child is telling you may not be very reliable, depending on the age and stage of development. If you want to rely on your son's evidence we'll talk about that too, but it's a separate issue.

Back to the matrimonial home; if the drag queen is living there, you certainly have a right to tell your ex that he should be contributing to the bills and such, and that before she comes to you for more money for anything related to the home she had better have some kind of monetary arrangement. You're not here to pay child support to help her keep a roof over his head. If he's "paying rent" there should be a lease and you'd be entitled to your share of the rent because it's your home too. But you can perhaps leverage this into a reduction in child support too; tell your ex that if he's simply sponging off of her that you can have him thrown out, and if he's paying rent you're entitled to half of it. But if she wants to keep it all for herself to put towards bills, which benefits your son too, you'd be ok with that if she'd give you a break on the support? Or do a share of the driving? And give you some more time with you son?

Do you see what I mean? Anything you can do to segue into turning it to your advantage should be considered rather than simply challenging her on every decision she makes that you don't agree with.

Is that a sufficient discussion of this topic?

Customer
it is. You've outlined some things for me to consider and if I need to ask you more about this again, I will but I believe this is great for now. Thanks very much.
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Ulysses101, Expert

Thanks for that rating. I appreciate it very much.

I'm taking some time offline today, but I'll get to your next question soon I promise.

Ulysses

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