I filled out a family law matter application. A consented conduct order. Bc canada. My ex is abusibg me thru the courts

Hi and thank you for using Just Answer.  My name is***** will be assisting you with your question.

Just a general disclaimer that this conversation is for informational purposes only. I am a licensed Canadian lawyer; however, you would need to retain a lawyer to take any legal action and/or preserve any of your legal rights. I may be away from my desk from time to time, but rest assured I will always return back as soon as possible.

Before we get started, can you tell me some more about your situation?  Are there children from the marriage? have you sought spousal support? Have you reached agreements on property division?  Do you have a lawyer?  Is it your position that your husband is using the court process to your detriment?  What do you mean exactly when you say "abusing me thru the courts"?  Sorry for the questions, but the answers will help me better understand your situation and how I can help?  Thanks.  Take your time.

No problem.  I am available all day with brief periods offline to be with family etc.  I look forward to our chat.

As he continues to withhold access in the face of a judge's order that says he cannot, you could immediately bring an application to enforce that parenting order.  As you know, repeated trips to court can be expensive.  In this circumstance coming to any type of agreement with your ex is not going to be feasible.  Perhaps you could suggest using a family justice counsellor (no cost) or a parenting coordinator.  Your ex may not be agreeable, but it will look good on you for having made the suggestion if you have to go to court.  I can give you the contact number for a family justice counsellor.  They can help even one parent who is experiencing the difficulties you are.

I don't know what your living experience is presently, but if you are able, you may want to install cameras outside your home and consult with a women's advocacy group to take other measures to create a safety plan for yourself.  I can give you contact information for these resources as well should you wish. In the meantime establish as much evidence as you can to prove your ex may be behind the vandalism.  Resstriaing and protection orders are effective, but they do make access to the child more difficult.  Any order you can obtain should permit a third party to contact your ex-partner to arrange access.

I know you have been through your share of lawyers.  But they can be helpful in navigating the system in terms of enforcing the order that gives you access.  Unreasonably withholding access can produce a further order from the court to order that your former spouse pay some of the costs associated with your having to make the application to enforce the order.  Courts do not look favourably at parties who unilaterally ignore court orders.  Courts put a great deal of thought into orders before granting them and take umbrage with those who disregard them because they think know better.

You can also discuss with your lawyer and read up on your own on something called parental alienation syndrome.  Courts are considering it more and more.  It's a syndrome whereby one parent attempts to undermine an otherwise healthy parent-child relationship with the other parent to gain control over the entire parenting relationship.

I hope this helps.  I am available for follow-up questions.

My understanding is that you have an order that states he cannot withhold access, but that he violates that order repeatedly and makes up stories and accusations that he shares with anyone who will listen.   Why can you not simply return to the court and seek enforcement of the order you already have?

In terms of your guardianship, as the child's mother, you are automatically a guardian.  Only a court order or agreement can remove you as a guardian.  To have you removed as a guardian is a difficult case to prove for your ex.  There would have to be exceptional circumstances.  You would have to pose a physical and/or emotional threat to your child.  He would have to prove that you are unfit and incapable, even with supervision, to continue to have any responsibility for decisions made in your child's interests.  Court-ordered removal of guardianship or parental rights is rare.

I know he has made accusations about drug use etc., but in the absence of proof and harm to the child, he is not likely to succeed.  Do you have people in your life who would speak to your fitness as a mother?  Perhaps, your lawyer would consider having you submit to an interview with a social worker to demonstrate your fitness.

Have you filed police reports regarding this vandalism?  Taken phots etc.?  Thanks.

You are going to have to return to court because he continues to fail to follow the court's order.  You may want to energize your application by seeking primary care for his failures to provide access.  Discuss this with your lawyer and also ask for your costs for having to return to court.

To file charges now would only inflame matters further and would not be, in my view, in the best interests of your child.

I support that decision. I would encourage you to involve a lawyer if at all possible.

No.  It can be the same lawyer.

You're more than welcome.  I wish you the best.  It's a difficult situation. Thanks for chjoosing Just Answer.  Please retunr any time to discuss this and any other matter.  Be well.